2. Showerhead
3. Brush Head Refills
13.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Household Supplies
2. Showerhead
3. Brush Head Refills
13.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Be True to Me, So I Can Be True to Others
I'm disgraced to admit that I've allowed my selfishness and fear of being left alone interfere with my duties as a friend and my usual nature. I'm an honest, upfront, and direct person. This made maintaining friendships a challenge when I was younger, but now I've come to appreciate who I am without guilt because I surround myself with people who accept me for who I am. This saying conveys my identity beautifully:
Sometimes the truth hurts. But I'd rather be the one to tell you the truth then to tell you lies.
or
Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.
I've actually lost friends on a number of accounts for telling truths they weren't ready to hear such as a betrayal of a lover or revealing that their new honey raped someone I knew. I knew and accepted the possibility, sometimes I even anticipated, that what I'm about to say can end my friendships with them. But I was willing to risk faulty friendships and good times to keep my friends safe and embrace who I am for the right reasons. When negative consequences occurred, I still knew it was the right thing to do. I've finally reached a chapter in my life where I can embrace who I am because it's a great way to filter out people who aren't worth my time, I found myself hesitating and withholding my opinions, a dangerous choice and completely out of nature to who I am.
Living alone doesn't seem as lonely as I once suspected it to be because I have the presence and support of my friends. I was afraid of losing that, so I withheld information for my own selfish purposes and risked my friend. My close friend was dating a guy who made me really uneasy. I was really conflicted about him because he has a duplicate personality fusion hybrid thing going on. Most people who are as distasteful and vile as him don't have the capability and consideration to show the kind of respect he exercised. It confused me. I didn't used to allow this confusion to interfere with expressing my concerns. I'm not trying to remove any potential responsibility on my friend's poor judgment or her asshole ex-boyfriend, but I hate how I compromised my identity for my own selfish gain. I can't understand why now that I have friends who accept me for who I really am that I pretend to be someone I'm not.
I thought I made progress. I believe I'm a good person, but I wasn't the most considerate and selfless I can be. I've recently started to sacrifice my interests for others and put others before me. I was against it in the past because I really wanted what I wanted. I felt deprived my entire life, and I hate settling. But I've realized that doing something for others before me wasn't difficult and had its own reward. Not only did it teach me that I can do it with ease, but I practice not living with everything I want and deal with it successfully. So I was really disappointed by my action or lack of.
My friend's boyfriend used to unhook womens' bras as he walked by. Such obnoxious behavior, but it's also distasteful and crossing the line. You may not be raping her, but you're still crossing the line. He would shoot blanks at cars that took too long to respond to a green light. If someone cut him off on the road, he'd follow them and slash their cars with a weapon he proudly displays. I do believe that everyone makes mistakes, and that's not necessarily reason enough to not give them a second chance. But once you've crossed the line, it's easy to cross it again. That's not the kind of exposure I think my friend should have. She's not that kind of person. I guess we're both doing things that are unlike us.
Sometimes the truth hurts. But I'd rather be the one to tell you the truth then to tell you lies.
or
Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.
I've actually lost friends on a number of accounts for telling truths they weren't ready to hear such as a betrayal of a lover or revealing that their new honey raped someone I knew. I knew and accepted the possibility, sometimes I even anticipated, that what I'm about to say can end my friendships with them. But I was willing to risk faulty friendships and good times to keep my friends safe and embrace who I am for the right reasons. When negative consequences occurred, I still knew it was the right thing to do. I've finally reached a chapter in my life where I can embrace who I am because it's a great way to filter out people who aren't worth my time, I found myself hesitating and withholding my opinions, a dangerous choice and completely out of nature to who I am.
Living alone doesn't seem as lonely as I once suspected it to be because I have the presence and support of my friends. I was afraid of losing that, so I withheld information for my own selfish purposes and risked my friend. My close friend was dating a guy who made me really uneasy. I was really conflicted about him because he has a duplicate personality fusion hybrid thing going on. Most people who are as distasteful and vile as him don't have the capability and consideration to show the kind of respect he exercised. It confused me. I didn't used to allow this confusion to interfere with expressing my concerns. I'm not trying to remove any potential responsibility on my friend's poor judgment or her asshole ex-boyfriend, but I hate how I compromised my identity for my own selfish gain. I can't understand why now that I have friends who accept me for who I really am that I pretend to be someone I'm not.
I thought I made progress. I believe I'm a good person, but I wasn't the most considerate and selfless I can be. I've recently started to sacrifice my interests for others and put others before me. I was against it in the past because I really wanted what I wanted. I felt deprived my entire life, and I hate settling. But I've realized that doing something for others before me wasn't difficult and had its own reward. Not only did it teach me that I can do it with ease, but I practice not living with everything I want and deal with it successfully. So I was really disappointed by my action or lack of.
My friend's boyfriend used to unhook womens' bras as he walked by. Such obnoxious behavior, but it's also distasteful and crossing the line. You may not be raping her, but you're still crossing the line. He would shoot blanks at cars that took too long to respond to a green light. If someone cut him off on the road, he'd follow them and slash their cars with a weapon he proudly displays. I do believe that everyone makes mistakes, and that's not necessarily reason enough to not give them a second chance. But once you've crossed the line, it's easy to cross it again. That's not the kind of exposure I think my friend should have. She's not that kind of person. I guess we're both doing things that are unlike us.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Things to Buy
9. Silicone Bra
11. Vacuum Cleaner
12.
Friday, April 18, 2008
It Was One of Those Days
I meant to blog about this a few days ago when the feelings were fresh, but I really wasn't up for it. It was just one of those days when you feel so alone, so lost, so inadequate, so unimportant, and disposable. It wasn't triggered by an event or lack of. It's just an unavoidable feeling I face from time to time that I have to overcome. What I have to remember during those times is that the feelings pass. During the second day of a major heat increase, I got a fever. So that prompted a lazy mood. I ignored the dishes that were accumulating. When I felt better, rather than responsibly cleaning, I continued to neglect my tasks. So I forced myself to go outside as a way to re-energize. Unfortunately, it had an opposite effect. Being surrounded by people who had places to go, things to do, a direction to follow, goals to achieve, made me feel out of place. I think these concerns were building inside of me for a couple of days, but it didn't surface until I faced the outside world. I think staying inside conceals these feelings because I don't have to deal with them. It's the contrast that brings it out of me, feeling like I don't have the sense of purpose others, I imagine, possess. I used to believe that I need the energy of others to keep me centered, but that's because I relied on it. That dependence influenced my outcome. I felt disconnected at the absence of close friends, and hanging out lifted my spirits. I still believe that I need the energy of other people. Everyone does. Recent changes has forced me to stop relying on others, though, and I've learned that I can function normally being isolated when I have to be. Ultimately, I'm unwilling to tolerate my weaknesses, so I eradicate them any way I can. I'm starting to realize why others see me as a strong individual. I didn't see myself as a strong person in the past because I was so intolerant. People who've experienced half my pain and trauma show more tolerance, which I mistakenly associated with resilience. While there is a correlation between the two, they aren't one in the same. Being intolerant doesn't make me weak. It makes me demanding. It means I have standards, and I don't tolerate anything less. Feeling inadequate doesn't make me weak. It makes me human. I used to think people thought I was strong because of what I had to endure, not an inner strength that existed within me. I've now realized that although it was forced upon me, the fact that I endured it means I have strength. That's what I'm doing now. Sometimes, I'm so paralyzed with pain, but I always move forward, even if it's in the dark.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Annual Expenses and To-Do List
January
Visit my primary care physician and get my annual health exam.
Visit my gynecologist and get my pap smear and birth contraceptives.
February
Start saving up money for allergy and cold sore medications.
Start taking 1,000 mg of L-Lysine as a preventive measure for cold sores.
Schedule an appointment for my allergies.
Make sure you start getting a full night's sleep so that your immune system can fight off cold sores.
Reduce your seafood and fatty food intake as a way to avoid cold sore outbreaks.
March
Buy allergy medications.
Buy cold sore medications.
Buy fever reducer medications.
Make sure you have a working fan or buy one.
Have a full stock of water bottles.
Make sure you start getting a full night's sleep so that your immune system can fight off cold sores and allergies.
Stop eating seafood, pasta, fatty foods, and sweets.
Eat only fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meat and poultry, whole wheat, and yogurt.
Take 1,000 mg of L-Lysine to ward off cold sores.
Take showers at night to reduce allergic intensity.
April
Buy allergy medications.
Buy cold sore medications.
Have my kit ready: cold sore and allergy medications, fever reducers, thermometer, ice pack, fan.
Set up a working fan.
Make sure you have a pair of wearable shorts.
Have a full stock of water bottles.
Make sure you start getting a full night's sleep so that your immune system can fight off cold sores and allergies.
Stop eating seafood, pasta, fatty foods, and sweets.
Eat only fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meat and poultry, whole wheat, and yogurt.
Take 1,000 mg of L-Lysine to ward off cold sores.
Take showers at night to reduce allergic intensity.
May
Buy allergy medications.
Buy cold sore medications.
Make sure you have a pair of wearable shorts.
Make sure you you a pair of comfortable sandals.
Have a full stock of water bottles.
Keep an eye out for pests and spray your unit with Ortho Home Defense Indoor Insect Killer.
Make sure you start getting a full night's sleep so that your immune system can fight off cold sores and allergies.
Stop eating seafood, pasta, fatty foods, and sweets.
Eat only fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meat and poultry, whole wheat, and yogurt.
Take 1,000 mg of L-Lysine to ward off cold sores.
Save up money for sun poison and heat rashes.
Take showers at night to reduce allergic intensity.
June
Run the AC and keep the fan on to keep your apartment cool.
Have a full stock of water bottles.
Make sure you have a pair of wearable shorts.
Make sure you have a pair of comfortable sandals.
Carry a fan, thermometer, and water bottle at all times to make sure you don't get a life threatening fever.
Buy medications for sun poison and heat rashes.
July
Run the AC and keep the fan on to keep your apartment cool.
Have a full stock of water bottles.
Make sure you have a pair of wearable shorts.
Make sure you have a pair of comfortable sandals.
Carry a fan, thermometer, and water bottle at all times to make sure you don't get a life threatening fever.
Buy medications for sun poison and heat rashes.
August
Run the AC and keep the fan on to keep your apartment cool.
Have a full stock of water bottles.
Start saving up money for tuition and school supplies especially books.
Carry a fan, thermometer, and water bottle at all times to make sure you don't get a life threatening fever.
Buy medications for sun poison and heat rashes.
September
Buy money for tuition and school supplies especially books.
Start eating more fresh fruits to keep my immune system strong.
Start getting a full night's sleep to protect yourself from the flu and colds.
Eat healthfully to protect yourself from the flu and colds.
Have hand cream available to keep them from drying and reducing risk of skin infections.
Be sure to intensify cardio, as circulation reduces significantly with painful consequences.
October
Start eating more fresh fruits to keep my immune system strong.
Make sure you start getting a full night's sleep so that your immune system can fight off colds and the flu.
Eat healthfully to protect yourself from the flu and colds.
Apply hand cream daily to keep them from drying and reducing risk of skin infections.
Be sure to intensify cardio, as circulation reduces significantly with painful consequences.
Take baths and stay warm.
November
Make sure you start getting a full night's sleep so that your immune system can fight off colds and the flu.
Eat healthfully to protect yourself from the flu and colds.
Apply hand cream daily to keep them from drying and reducing risk of skin infections.
Be sure to intensify cardio, as circulation reduces significantly with painful consequences.
Take baths and stay warm.
Start saving money for after Christmas sale.
December
Make sure you start getting a full night's sleep so that your immune system can fight off colds and the flu.
Eat healthfully to protect yourself from the flu and colds.
Apply hand cream daily to keep them from drying and reducing risk of skin infections.
Be sure to intensify cardio, as circulation reduces significantly with painful consequences.
Take baths and stay warm.
Start saving money for after Christmas sale.
Visit my primary care physician and get my annual health exam.
Visit my gynecologist and get my pap smear and birth contraceptives.
February
Start saving up money for allergy and cold sore medications.
Start taking 1,000 mg of L-Lysine as a preventive measure for cold sores.
Schedule an appointment for my allergies.
Make sure you start getting a full night's sleep so that your immune system can fight off cold sores.
Reduce your seafood and fatty food intake as a way to avoid cold sore outbreaks.
March
Buy allergy medications.
Buy cold sore medications.
Buy fever reducer medications.
Make sure you have a working fan or buy one.
Have a full stock of water bottles.
Make sure you start getting a full night's sleep so that your immune system can fight off cold sores and allergies.
Stop eating seafood, pasta, fatty foods, and sweets.
Eat only fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meat and poultry, whole wheat, and yogurt.
Take 1,000 mg of L-Lysine to ward off cold sores.
Take showers at night to reduce allergic intensity.
April
Buy allergy medications.
Buy cold sore medications.
Have my kit ready: cold sore and allergy medications, fever reducers, thermometer, ice pack, fan.
Set up a working fan.
Make sure you have a pair of wearable shorts.
Have a full stock of water bottles.
Make sure you start getting a full night's sleep so that your immune system can fight off cold sores and allergies.
Stop eating seafood, pasta, fatty foods, and sweets.
Eat only fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meat and poultry, whole wheat, and yogurt.
Take 1,000 mg of L-Lysine to ward off cold sores.
Take showers at night to reduce allergic intensity.
May
Buy allergy medications.
Buy cold sore medications.
Make sure you have a pair of wearable shorts.
Make sure you you a pair of comfortable sandals.
Have a full stock of water bottles.
Keep an eye out for pests and spray your unit with Ortho Home Defense Indoor Insect Killer.
Make sure you start getting a full night's sleep so that your immune system can fight off cold sores and allergies.
Stop eating seafood, pasta, fatty foods, and sweets.
Eat only fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meat and poultry, whole wheat, and yogurt.
Take 1,000 mg of L-Lysine to ward off cold sores.
Save up money for sun poison and heat rashes.
Take showers at night to reduce allergic intensity.
June
Run the AC and keep the fan on to keep your apartment cool.
Have a full stock of water bottles.
Make sure you have a pair of wearable shorts.
Make sure you have a pair of comfortable sandals.
Carry a fan, thermometer, and water bottle at all times to make sure you don't get a life threatening fever.
Buy medications for sun poison and heat rashes.
July
Run the AC and keep the fan on to keep your apartment cool.
Have a full stock of water bottles.
Make sure you have a pair of wearable shorts.
Make sure you have a pair of comfortable sandals.
Carry a fan, thermometer, and water bottle at all times to make sure you don't get a life threatening fever.
Buy medications for sun poison and heat rashes.
August
Run the AC and keep the fan on to keep your apartment cool.
Have a full stock of water bottles.
Start saving up money for tuition and school supplies especially books.
Carry a fan, thermometer, and water bottle at all times to make sure you don't get a life threatening fever.
Buy medications for sun poison and heat rashes.
September
Buy money for tuition and school supplies especially books.
Start eating more fresh fruits to keep my immune system strong.
Start getting a full night's sleep to protect yourself from the flu and colds.
Eat healthfully to protect yourself from the flu and colds.
Have hand cream available to keep them from drying and reducing risk of skin infections.
Be sure to intensify cardio, as circulation reduces significantly with painful consequences.
October
Start eating more fresh fruits to keep my immune system strong.
Make sure you start getting a full night's sleep so that your immune system can fight off colds and the flu.
Eat healthfully to protect yourself from the flu and colds.
Apply hand cream daily to keep them from drying and reducing risk of skin infections.
Be sure to intensify cardio, as circulation reduces significantly with painful consequences.
Take baths and stay warm.
November
Make sure you start getting a full night's sleep so that your immune system can fight off colds and the flu.
Eat healthfully to protect yourself from the flu and colds.
Apply hand cream daily to keep them from drying and reducing risk of skin infections.
Be sure to intensify cardio, as circulation reduces significantly with painful consequences.
Take baths and stay warm.
Start saving money for after Christmas sale.
December
Make sure you start getting a full night's sleep so that your immune system can fight off colds and the flu.
Eat healthfully to protect yourself from the flu and colds.
Apply hand cream daily to keep them from drying and reducing risk of skin infections.
Be sure to intensify cardio, as circulation reduces significantly with painful consequences.
Take baths and stay warm.
Start saving money for after Christmas sale.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Alleged Cold Sores Begin
On April 11, 2008, tiny dots on the outside of my lips started to form. Only one dot was most visible to me. This was probably a result of not getting a full night's sleep. My lips weren't chapped in that dry white hanging skin sort of way. My lips were a shade of dark red, which sometimes happens when my lips aren't very hydrated.
On April 12, 2008, I should've been asleep by midnight by I was up past one. I woke up today with even redder lips, and they felt tighter than the day before. There are tiny dots around the corner of my lips. With the slightest pressure, it feels a little wet, as though it's pus filled. I was up making roast chicken, which I started earlier. Eating the skin and bacon was probably not the best move. Weakening my immune system and consuming fatty foods is unfavorable.
I argue it's alleged cold sores because around this time of year, it's either cold sores, heat blisters, or sun poison. I suspect it's cold sores because the timing is right, and it was triggered by not getting a full night's sleep and a poor diet. Heat blisters or sun poison are usually triggered when I'm outside, and I have been outside, but it took a while for this outbreak to form. Plus, the heat blisters are a side effect of cold sores in my experience. Sun poison usually peels away my skin. I've actually had lip aggravations from the week before. A large red dot that wasn't pus filled on my left upper lip corner formed. I believe it developed when I was out since 9 in the morning on a sunny day of 70-ish degrees. It shrunk but didn't go away when I retreated from the light. I have to be careful because whatever this outbreak is I'm at risk for all of the above. My allergy meds are pricey, so balancing everything out is tricky.
My concerns: cold sores, heat blisters and sun poison on my lips and skin, severe eye allergies, clogged nasal passages that obstruct breathing, throat irritation that can block and develop behind the back of the throat, both breathing passages getting blocked, reaching a dangerous fever, my body overheating, my apartment overheating so much that it becomes a breeding ground for pests
Plan: Pay for my allergy meds, buy cold sore treatment, keep myself cool wearing shorts and using a Chinese fan, maybe buy a small cooler and alternate with the AC, use a lighter blanket, keep the windows open at night,
On April 12, 2008, I should've been asleep by midnight by I was up past one. I woke up today with even redder lips, and they felt tighter than the day before. There are tiny dots around the corner of my lips. With the slightest pressure, it feels a little wet, as though it's pus filled. I was up making roast chicken, which I started earlier. Eating the skin and bacon was probably not the best move. Weakening my immune system and consuming fatty foods is unfavorable.
I argue it's alleged cold sores because around this time of year, it's either cold sores, heat blisters, or sun poison. I suspect it's cold sores because the timing is right, and it was triggered by not getting a full night's sleep and a poor diet. Heat blisters or sun poison are usually triggered when I'm outside, and I have been outside, but it took a while for this outbreak to form. Plus, the heat blisters are a side effect of cold sores in my experience. Sun poison usually peels away my skin. I've actually had lip aggravations from the week before. A large red dot that wasn't pus filled on my left upper lip corner formed. I believe it developed when I was out since 9 in the morning on a sunny day of 70-ish degrees. It shrunk but didn't go away when I retreated from the light. I have to be careful because whatever this outbreak is I'm at risk for all of the above. My allergy meds are pricey, so balancing everything out is tricky.
My concerns: cold sores, heat blisters and sun poison on my lips and skin, severe eye allergies, clogged nasal passages that obstruct breathing, throat irritation that can block and develop behind the back of the throat, both breathing passages getting blocked, reaching a dangerous fever, my body overheating, my apartment overheating so much that it becomes a breeding ground for pests
Plan: Pay for my allergy meds, buy cold sore treatment, keep myself cool wearing shorts and using a Chinese fan, maybe buy a small cooler and alternate with the AC, use a lighter blanket, keep the windows open at night,
Friday, April 11, 2008
Household Supplies for April
9. Kleenex to go Packets
15. Showerhead
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