Be Comfortable in Your Own Skin

AJ tried to teach me the value of being comfortable in my own skin. I'm aware that there's value in being comfortable, but I don't think I ever understood it before. I don't think I still do. But since its importance has been emphasized to me, I'm starting to see circumstances where being comfortable in my own skin will be of significance.

I hate feeling insecure about myself. I hate incessant thoughts that haunt me. They prevent me from feeling secure about myself, even when they shouldn't, even when I don't believe it. But that's not even the point. Attraction is subjective. I think it's important that everyone feels secure, comfortable, and confident in themselves regardless of aesthetics. I'm not talking from experience, but I imagine the confidence is amazing.

There's so much in life that I don't appreciate because I'm unable to embrace it since all I see are the drawbacks. What a disturbing way to exist. I don't want to exist; I want to live. So long as I only see the negatives, I'm always going to have a single-minded perspective. And I want to be a well-rounded individual. But, most of all, I want to appreciate what I have.

By focusing on the negatives, I perceive myself as not deserving things. Then I project that onto others. I used to be thoroughly 100% against going out with someone who was perceived as difficult. I realized how bigoted of me that is. Even difficult people are amazing people. How much have I limited myself in the past because of this? It not only polluted my mentality, but I was totally discriminating towards others who didn't deserve it.

It's come to my attention how flawed my perspective became when I started thinking like a girl so to speak. I've been talking to this girl, and she does a lot of judging girls outfits. It sort of put me in that mode, and I remember looking at a fat girl and thinking how she probably won't be able to find someone who loves her because she's so fat. I didn't think she was an awful person, but I was so one-dimensional and insensitive about the entire thing. It turns out that she's engaged! How could I have gotten this so wrong? I remember thinking that if she found someone, I should be able to find someone. Isn't that awful? My ability to find someone shouldn't and isn't comparable. How can I be so vain and narrow-minded? I swear that's not the kind of person I am, but a part of my mentality needs to be told that then. I have to learn to be comfortable in my own skin!

I want to enjoy what I have without obliterating those talents because they aren't flawless. I'm human. Of course, I'm not going to be perfect, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't embrace the qualities I do have. I want to become a writer. I do think I have a talent in that area. Yet I can't bring myself to comfortably admit that I'm a talented writer because there are so many better writers out there. That doesn't change the skills and talents I have. On some level, I know that. I'm tired of having this disconnect. It permeates so many aspects of my life. I'm sick of it.