A Calmness I Want to Remember

I've been telling my friend that I want to go hiking for a while especially since he told me about a place in Arcadia. I wanted to go there because I had an expectation, a goal I wanted to fulfill. I have a tendency to live in my head, and the incessant thoughts used to comfort me. They still do at times, but they're equally if not more burdensome. I've finally reached a point in my life where I became interested in really changing that. Hiking helps me come closer to that goal except that it isn't a goal, it's something that I work towards maintaining. It's something I'll always have to put effort into.

It's a beautiful area. The drive is fairly long and requires you to pass through mountains. I felt like the overwhelming mountains were preparing my mind and body that I was going to be getting in touch with nature. The city, the street signs, gas stations, other cars, and other landscapes disappear, and all that's left were the mountains. The further you went in, the less cluttered my mind became.

The hiking trail in the beginning went downhill. I felt like it was a perfect spot to go running, rather than running, but the concrete would be killer on the body. The path is incredibly easy to follow. The scenery isn't nearly as picture perfect, but it was authentic to nature. Not everything was bright green, sparkly clean; it was real. There was beauty in that. I would've wanted to move slowly, but my friends, are fast hikers!

Since it was my first time there I was mesmerized. I found a spot where there was a square seating area in front of a waterfall that I would love to sit at and write for hours. The waterfall wasn't even that beautiful, but it was a perfect seating area. At the end there was a beautiful waterfall. It looked like such a romantic spot but not in the pressured sort of way of movies, dinner, or drinks where one might be inclined to portray a certain image. I feel like the nature's calmness reflects in how people interact there.

I felt sort of bad like I was the third wheel de-coupling them by the waterfall. I was actually planning on sitting from afar and enjoying the waterfall there because it was still visible, but he saw me. So I headed over there. He says that I should go to the first waterfall, which I'd like to do in the future. It's experiences that like that make me wish that I had a car. I don't care that I don't have a car when I have to go grocery shopping. I knock down strength training and cardio in a single trip, but the fact that I don't have the opportunity to escape whenever I please is unfortunate. I would love to have the opportunity to spend hours alone with just me, a journal, and a pen. There's something about getting away that clears the mind. It makes me realize how stressed I am. Everyone notices it, but it's a constant state I'm in that I don't even notice it. I woke up with a knot on the back of my left shoulder blade that went away.

It's a versatile hiking spot. Depending on my mood and who I go with, I would do it differently. I can picture myself running that as my endurance builds with friends like Benji. I can also picture myself moving as slowly as a snail and looking at everything possible, taking everything in. I can picture doing that trail alone and safely, slowly. I can also picture doing that with company I know will enjoy it at a slower pace like Cody. I'm usually so extroverted that as much as I enjoy my own company, I usually sacrifice personal time to hang out with others. It's the first time I've wanted to do something alone.

Mostly I want to remember the calmness I experienced. It's not that I necessarily enjoy hiking. I truly enjoy the consequential experience of hiking. When I learned to slow down my mind, I start to feel differently. Even though my vision doesn't actually change, it feels like it does in some way. My head feels floaty, not physically, but it isn't bound to the incessant thoughts that usually bombard me. The more I embrace hiking, the more invigorating the experience, the more floaty I get.

I remember thinking that I don't want to go there too often, which I thought was weird because I would love to feel that way often. But as it turns out, I don't. My body knew before my mind knew. I have an addictive personality, and that's something I want to treat. Going often would be my drug addict's mentality of escaping life's burdens. I don't want that. But I'd like to go once a month. Besides, I'm afraid that if I go too often, I'll speed hike like they do. It's great for them, but I'm desperate to have that floaty feeling.

What I really wanted to do was hang upside down, while I was still in that floaty state. This hiking trail is rigorous and a major endurance builder, but I realized that I wouldn't do it for a physical workout. I want to do it for a mental cleanser. My idea of intense workouts include fast running, intense kickboxing, and indoor cycling with trance and techno blasting. That's the side of me I want to detach from every so often, which is what hiking offers me.

I recently started panicking about something and became even more desperate to go hiking, but I never realized how beneficial it would be. I'm glad I went. I'm experiencing a calmness I want to remember especially since it's starting to decline. I felt it leaving me as I stepped into my apartment. :(