I Wouldn't Know How to Title This Experience

I saw an elderly woman laying on the ground in front of Trader Joe's. I was there as it was happening. She started falling slowly and was laying there awkwardly, but I didn't even fully process it. I don't think I still am. I knew something about that wasn't natural and out of the ordinary, but I had to near it and hear someone say to call 9-1-1 for it to really register. Even then everyone seemed surprisingly calm considering the situation.

This woman was kind. She felt guilty about the idea of the paramedics going to see her because she felt that she was taking the ambulance away from someone who needs it. She knew that it was best she lay down for a while, which she did. She was able to talk clearly and said she must've fainted because she didn't have anything for lunch. She wasn't deprived of oxygen or anything like that. It was good that she was aware of this, but I'm worried that her guilt may have altered her perception of how she really feels.

An employee placed two paper towels under her neck. I've only talked to him a couple times, but he's a really nice person. So his kindness didn't surprise me. But sometimes I'm horrified by peoples' reactions, insensitivity, single-mindedness, selfishness, inconsiderations, and ignorance. I feel like other people have to deal with the consequences of their stupidity. "Recognize that you are a part of something larger. Your actions, however, small or large, bad or good, affect others and the world around you." This is a reality many of us forget in our hectic day to day lives, but something as serious as an elderly woman collapsing to the ground should make us realize how fragile life is, how fragile we are. It isn't an opportunity to express your dissatisfaction of what an inconvenience it is for you or demonstrate your callousness and ignorance!

I don't really give a damn if this woman falling is an inconvenience for you! It's not like she had arranged it in her schedule. She fell down in front of the entrance to the store, but there was plenty of space for people to walk around her. You didn't have the usual freedom of walking in the center, but even someone in crutches would've been able to maneuver their way around her. Admittedly, someone in a wheelchair would've had a problem. But a woman who had the ability to walk over her without difficulty complained about how she was displayed right in front of the walkway and asked if there was something that can be done like move her out of the way. This woman walked right past her, stopped, turned around, and made such an audacious remark. Just keep moving, bitch! It's a really good thing I wasn't in the most emotional of states because I was so livid at her for asking that. She sensed it from me, too, which is why I think she let it go.

The daughter of the woman who collapsed kindly told her that she didn't want to move her. The elderly woman, however, sympathized with this rude woman and asked to be moved over. She complained that she was perspiring afterwards. Fainting is the body's way of regulating itself. If she's perspiring, it means that she's straining her body. If this woman didn't make a complaint, she probably would've laid there the way I suspect she should've. I know this woman is ignorant, self-involved, and doesn't know this woman, so she has no vested interest in showing compassion. But how can a person so blatantly involve themselves into another person's affair in such an unproductivity matter and act as though she has a right to do so? It seemed more like a desperate attempt to be heard because she already got into the store. So why do you care? I mean, seriously, what purpose did it serve to voice your opinion? It amazes me the mentality of some people. I'm sure in her simple mind moving her over would be no big deal, but you don't know that.

She lost control of her body. The last thing she should be doing is manipulating it in a way a normal functioning body would. The body is a very complex, intricate working that medical experts are still baffled by. This woman expects us to do the very thing that medical experts warn against?!?!?! I can't imagine that this woman is so ignorant that that's a huge no-no! But this elderly woman already felt inconvenienced and guilty by her body's natural reaction that I'm worried the insensitivity and ignorance of this woman is going to affect her in unhealthy ways. I hope I'm wrong.

I hate meeting people like that because here I am ranting about this idiot when there's a woman who fainted. I felt bad because in situations like that no one really knows what to do. All you really can do is be there for them. But I don't know this woman. I felt like my transparent guilt was actually weighing on her upon observing her. That made me feel guilty about how I feel. I called the ambulance and stayed with them until they arrived but then left. I could've stayed, but there's nothing I could've done. I felt it was the best time especially when the paramedic started inquiring about her medical history because when I asked the daughter if she had any medical history, she was very brief. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but I imagine that's a private matter.

Seeing her lay there in some ways did almost nothing for me, which makes me question myself emotionally. I've always been such a nervous, panicky, and anxious person. But in an emergency, I was always prompt, productive, and useful. I guess I was that today, but I realized that sometimes the most beneficial thing you can do for someone is show care and concern for strangers. I could tell it touched them, but from an altruistic point of view, it's so important for me, too.

I have an addictive personality and can therefore be single-minded. If I reject the emotional side of me, what's to stop me from becoming cold and callous like that other woman? I think being who I am would stop me. But if I continue to detach myself, who knows who I'll become? Part of me feels guilty for the way I feel and what I'm turning this experience into, a personal one. But I feel the way I feel, and I've learned that I can't ignore something like that. I was there for a reason and feel this way for a reason. So I feel that I should explore it. For one thing, as I was walking away, I felt more emotionally affected by it. I was reserving my feelings when I was at the scene. But when I had no reason to not surrender to it, I became freaked out by it. As it was building, I immediately focused on the insensitive woman. It was a reflex reaction. That's the drug addict's mentality my friend, Armen, was telling me about. When I can't deal with something, I turn to something else as a coping mechanism.

I had that awkward sense of feeling you have when you're outside of your natural element. I felt uncomfortable, exposed, and out of place. I also have this sense of guilt and not quite compassion but desperate worry for her. I also felt emotionally out of place because both women (the elderly one and her daughter) were calm about it because it was familiar to them. That pains me. Imagine being so used to something like that.

I actually read my friend's blog and it has exercises on it. It's supposed to tone your abs in a short amount of time. I'm skeptical about that (mostly because I didn't think I would commit to it), but I guess it doesn't matter. Just exercising and respecting your body is a healthy act. It's crazy because I went to Trader Joe's to buy milk, so I can have protein shakes. My body breaks down protein rapidly because I have imbalanced hormones. It's not difficult to make and makes a world of difference for me, but I haven't been committing to it because my kitchen is dirty and I avoid it. The kitchen sink isn't clogged, but my roommates don't wash their dishes. So the water is overfilling because it's not draining properly. I actually hide my dishes and utensils in my room! It's clearly a nightmare, but it's not a valid excuse for neglecting my health. I think I finally realized that today.

Take the time. Take the time to be healthy, to appreciate what's around you, what you have. Just take the time.