Rebound Dating

I was telling a friend of mine about what happened with the last guy I was with and how it didn't work out. She suggested that I start dating again, which seemed like such an out of place advice coming from her. Everyone warns everyone to never take her advice on love. When I told the guy I was with something in relation to her (and he's only met her once, although he can read people), he became so serious and told me to never take her advice on relationships. She practically comes with a warning label! But it makes me wonder if this time her advice is sage because it sounds so different from her usual insights. It was advice that sounded so much like hers that made it inadvisable.

To a certain extent I discarded her advice while considering it for more time than I would've entertained in the past. Rebound dates aren't my thing. I was coerced into it once. I went out with a guy named Eric for years, and my rebound date's name was Derek. I didn't say the wrong name because I wasn't over Eric; it was out of habit. Mind you, of course, that was a nightmare waiting to happen. But the idea of using someone else to relieve my emotional torment about someone who is no longer in my life seems cruel and insensitive. I just can't do it.

More importantly, I've recently realized how unsuccessful implementing distraction is. It doesn't work. I had five jobs and attempted a social life. I'm still not over him. I've always struggled painfully getting over relationships, while I saw people around me moving on more quickly through rebound dating. I still, nonetheless, stayed away from it. It's because that's the right thing for me. I've had to learn to accept that sometimes the right thing for me requires me to go through more agony and pain than others do. But it is what it is.

Rebound dating is not for me. I wouldn't only feel right about it, which means that I wouldn't benefit from it. But I'm also too insecure about it. I would worry about how it would karmically effect me. Plus I could never allow a rebound date to become serious even if it can be. I'm trying to break my cycle of self-sabotaged relationships. On the flip side, if nothing can come of it, I would think it's a waste of time. I am glad that I considered it, though, because it makes me feel like I understand myself better now.

Rebound dating would essentially be another form of what I normally do, distract myself instead of dealing with what's in front of me. It'll be painful, but I never seem to be able to escape anything anyways. I might as well face it. Besides, I don't know myself. My friend, Erik, once told me that he knows I present this strong sense of self, but he also knows that it's bullshit. At first I took offense until I realized that it was true. I don't know myself because I'm so emotionally-disconnected. The last thing I want to do is perpetuate that cycle, which means I have to deal with how I feel. The only way I'm going to get a handle on things is by feeling everything so that I can deal with it no matter how long the recovery time is.

I realized that by distracting myself it makes it a little easier until my feelings and emotions surface, which it inevitably will. Since so much was doormat, I feel like I'm suffocating. I'd rather not have a shock trauma. I can't discover who I am if I'm hiding a part of myself. I can't move on if I'm lying to myself. I can't discover who I am if I do something that isn't authentic to me.

But I really appreciate what my friend told me in ways I could never express. It made me put considerable thought into what she said. I may not have ultimately taken her advice, but I like the brainstorm that came out of it. I like that I have the ability to think dynamically about these things. Initially, I thought it was insensitive to suggest rebound dating because it would totally screw the other person over. I didn't tell it to her like that because I didn't think about it at the time. I was just surprised that it came out of her mouth. She said, "Well if it makes you feel better...."

I really liked that. Sometimes being a friend means wanting the best for them even if it’s not the best for others. Life is all about choices. What we want is always going to upset someone somewhere, so our priorities should be ourselves. It's not meant to be insensitive to others, but it's reality. It's likely that someone will be bothered especially if it involves me because I'm very headstrong. She showed me that what's most important to her is me. I really appreciate that. It wasn't long ago that I would've only looked at the big picture. That's such a robotic, inhuman approach. I feel differently now.