"I’m going to smile like nothing’s wrong, talk like everything’s perfect, act like it’s all a dream, and pretend it’s not hurting me." Do I want to lie? Of course not. But what else is there to do? I'm not going to cry about how it turned out, about what didn't happen, or dwell about what could've been. I have two choices. Let it all out, which is probably more therapeutic but runs the risk of turning into a perpetual cycle. Plus, I have an addictive personality. I don't want to be in pain. So why would I intentionally expose myself to it? It's not like socializing and just hanging out with my friends mean that I'm suppressing the truth. I'm just not focusing on it. Why become a depressed burden? I figured fake it til then...but guess what? Fail...epic fail!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't want to feel it, but I do. I don't want to become a depressed burden, but that's the natural coarse. Suppression, apparently, comes in many forms. Faking it til then doesn't work. If you lie to yourself long enough, even though you'll never truly believe it, your brain gets wired all wonky with these mixed signals of being "okay" with conflict thoughts and feelings. So what the fuck am I supposed to do now?
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