Every So Often People Surprise You

My "birthday" wasn't very anything. My boyfriend got sick. At the risk of sounding insensitive and unromantic, I didn't want to risk getting contaminated. I get feverish easily, to the point that I risk hospitalization. It's not an experience I want to have again, nor is it something I can afford. Not to mention, I have indoor allergies. So I couldn't stay home for very long anyways. I don't have high expectations of my birthdays. I don't have very good memories of them. If anything, it's an opportunity my parents use to remind me that I was unplanned inconvenience, as though their irresponsibility is my fault. I don't like the frosting on birthday cakes, and I find the Happy Birthdays signs to be tacky. What's the point of buying a cake that no one finishes? It's such an unnecessary waste of food and money when there are other ways to appreciate my birth. If you really want to wish me a happy birthday, you can do that with an absence of a birthday cake. Don't get me wrong. I'm not vehemently opposed to celebrating my birthday, but I'm neutral about it. So if it goes unnoticed, that's okay. I think it's a little desperate and demeaning to advertise your birthday as a way to coerce your friends on spending money they don't have, so they can secretly resent you for a birthday they didn't ask for. I find it distasteful when people brag about their upcoming birthday to satisfy their greed. My friends know my birthday, so if they want to acknowledge it, then great. If not, that's fine, too. Everyone has lives, and I understand that. I usually accept that my birthday won't be a big deal or accept that it will be. But I don't like it when the decision is determined for me, which is what I thought would happen if I moved beforehand. I looked forward to the opportunity to have a choice. I actually thought this year a real birthday would be a possibility, and the idea appealed to me. The first time I ever looked forward to it. Not only did my expectations fall short for a birthday, but it wasn't even an enjoyable time at all. I wasn't even able to stay in my own home without allergic reactions. I couldn't be around my boyfriend or be there for him when he was sick. I felt like a bitch. Not that it mattered. He was so delirious from his cold medication that he couldn't even string a coherent sentence together. I also didn't have anything else better to do than intentionally avoid my boyfriend and my own home. So, birthday, aside, it was a crappy situation. My friends and I have lost touch. With school either ending or beginning, they've been really busy. So I didn't want to push myself on them. They usually call when they have time and want to hang. When they don't, it's because they're swamped. Now, I'm sure if I called, blabbing about my birthday, they would've compromised their priorities. But that's so unfair to them. Although my friend's didn't make an elaborate gesture about my birthday, I was grateful when I realized that they hadn't forgotten and were thinking of me. I'm still enormously dissatisfied with the outcome, but it feels good when people show and express that they care about you, no matter how much of a reality it already is and should go without saying.