My So-Called Birthday Celebration

I really don't mind if my birthday isn't celebrated but would gladly appreciate it if it was. I don't think my point of view is unreasonable. I'm open to either possibility, BUT whatever decision is made, I'd like the promise to be kept.

Mean what you say
Say what you mean

Now, if there was a family emergency or a car accident, that would understandably and naturally come first. But it wasn't like that. I was so grateful when my friend called and said he'd get me an espresso cake in honor of my birthday. Since I knew that money was in short supply for him, I suggested that maybe everyone can split the cost. I'm okay with pitching in. If it helps lessen the blow for my friends, why not? But they find it unthinkable for the birthday girl to contribute financially, so I told him that financial arrangements would have to be made with others. He seemed to acknowledge what I said and agreed. He ended the conversation by reminding me that he doesn't eat cake, so he doesn't know where to buy an espresso cake.

Well, few people do. Espresso cake isn't a very popular choice. But it was his expectation, previous quarrels, and perspective that really annoyed me. He told me that because he doesn't eat cakes, he doesn't know where to buy it, so I have to give him the details. I should also mention that he also claims to be an expert researcher. And yet something as basic as using google to find a local bakery is lost on him. I'm astounded when using google or the yellow pages to get phone numbers and make inquiries are foreign concepts to people but especially ones who claim to be expert researchers. This method is so basic and simplistic that the elementary school version of me has even practiced it. It'd be easier to think that he was too lazy to go through the effort, but I know better than that. Because of his informal training in research, he doesn't know about this common practice, and he doesn't have a researcher's mentality to come up with this idea on his own. He's so overconfident about his ability that he's even gone as far as scrutinizing my researching skills. The idea that someone as ignorant as him comfortably criticizes me offends me greatly at a time like this. When any effort is required, he's unable to complete the task.

Quite frankly, I don't feel comfortable putting effort into my own birthday cake for a number of reasons. It's a spoiled point of view, but it's my birthday. I don't want to do all of the work. Birthday cakes are usually the responsibility of others. It's not fair to put the burden onto others over a tradition that not everyone agrees upon, and that's why I'm more than willing to go without a birthday cake. But when a promise to provide me an espresso cake is over exaggerated, I expect that promise to be delivered.

I also don't want to overstep my boundaries. When it's someone else's birthday cake, I can find out how much each person can afford to pitch in and follow that budget. No one's going to tell the birthday girl what their budget is. So, I'd be walking in blind. If I selected the cheapest cake, some of my petty friends would be insulted that I have such low standards for them. Anything pricier, and they'd probably think I'm being a selfish bitch. As someone who always makes the arrangements, I know how much repeated efforts has to be made. I call and make sure everyone's okay with splitting the cost of something. They usually agree and claim that whatever the amount is, they can easily pay. With experience, I've learned that their promises aren't reliable. By the time they view the receipt, it's a different story. The cost can be $10, and sometimes it's unaffordable. Other times, $35 is completely acceptable. The inconsistency is frustrating, but I can't force more accuracy out of them. So, I provide everyone with an estimate. That's when I get more insight. Taking that into account, I provide everyone with the exact cost. I usually have to reiterate that, as well. And then, alas, it's finalized. It's a nuisance for everyone, but my friends' have shared their appreciation for my considerate and diligent efforts. Coming from the birthday girl, though, it sounds demanding and high-maintenance. I'd be creating an uncomfortable environment of obligatory demands. As if that weren't bad enough, if I did proceed, I know for sure that one of my friends wouldn't stop complaining about the financial impact it's had on him, jokingly but nonetheless sincere. I don't know why he would think it's funny to constantly complain about how I'm responsible for him having no money...but that's okay because it's my birthday comments with a sarcastic attitude. I don't feel comfortable doing that in virtually every circumstance but especially for my birthday cake, after being told that it would be taken care of. Yeah right. Always read the fine print. It'd be taken care of, as long as I do everything! How considerate and thoughtful of him. I'm so moved. (sarcasm)

I prefer no cake or a gifted cake. A sense of desperation comes to mind when I arrange my own birthday cake purchase. I'll admit it. I expect others to purchase a cake for me. That doesn't mean that you have to oblige. I hate how disingenuous and manipulative he was. Had I have known what I know now, I would have declined. What the hell made him think that I would want to be promised a cake that everyone will take care of only to be burdened with all the arrangement responsibilities? From a one-sided point of view, I can understand how someone doesn't want to be responsible for that. We all know what it's like to defer responsibility. We don't always even want to put effort into ourselves. So is it so surprising that he doesn't want to put effort into others? I completely empathize with that. But why offer it if you don't want to? I certainly didn't coerce him into it. What's worse is that if this happened to him, he would cry like a little bitch. Okay, so, I'm exaggerating, but my point is that he would find it unacceptable. Is it so hard to believe that others would feel the same?

And believe me when I say that I didn't go on a power trip, take away everyone's responsibilities, and blame others for their incompetence. In retrospect, I probably should have. I entrusted him with this and everyone else involved. I only offered to make dinner for everyone. That was it. He said he'll bring the cake to the dinner party. It was roasted chicken with baby potatoes, asparagus, and lemons as the poultry/main dish. I also made lemon-infused quinoa (pronounced keen-WAH) as a source of grain. I don't invite people over for dinner parties until I have a time line. I told everyone to be over at 5 PM. Two hours later, he calls me to ask when to come over. When I remind him about when it began, he has the audacity to express with an impatient tone that I never told him. Even worse when I first invited him, I left him a voicemail, stating the time. He calls back to tell me that he doesn't remember the contents of the message. So I had to repeat myself. Yet he questions the credibility of my memory? Only one person arrived on time. We spent a good two hours waiting on everyone else who showed up late and didn't have the decency to call to let us know that they were running late. At this point, I suspected that I wasn't going to get a cake. They couldn't even be trusted to get the time right. How could they possibly arrange to buy a cake that should be equally achievable but is probably far more mentally rigorous for them?

My friend and I eventually started eating dinner without them. By the time everyone else arrived, he looks at me when he asks, "Where's the cake?" What the fuck? Why would he ask me that? I should be asking him, but showing up empty-handed answered my question. I reminded him that it was his responsibility. He responds with, "I don't even eat cake. I just said I'd pay for it. It was everyone else's responsibility." I would argue that it's shared responsibility. But if believes that it's everyone else's responsibility, he should have made it clear to everyone else. Apparently, he didn't. Everyone just assumed that everyone else would take care of it without inquiry. Past experiences didn't tip them off that coordination has to be conducted by at least one person, and if someone was coordinating it, they would find out about it? The fact that they didn't get inquiries from a coordinator should've tipped them off that it wasn't being taken care of. Apparently chronic boredom, a lack of responsibilities, and occasional night classes occupied so much of their time and energy that it interfered with basic logic. That's a little upsetting, but I can accept that. They're embracing who they are.

What upset me was when everyone seemed disappointed that there was no cake and everyone was looking to me, saying that it was for my birthday. Exactly. Everyone had an excuse for deferring responsibility that was considered acceptable. So, why was I getting blamed for not getting it done? The people who are supposed to do it, don't do it. The girl who's not supposed to do it, doesn't do it and gets blamed for their orders. How does that make any sense?

Everyone seemed to like the dinner I made. But there were two guys whose sincerity I question. They both said it was good and liked the crunchy skin and how the flavor just blended. But they were both trying to convince the other to finish off the chicken. When I say that I don't mind when people don't like my cooking, I mean it. We have a friend who's extremely picky, and I have to alter the flavor for her. Her facial expressions blatantly reveal disgust towards asparagus, basil, celery, parsley, and quinoa. But my friend doesn't like to see anything go to waste, so he sat there arguing. He doesn't like to eat certain foods. He doesn't like food to go to waste. So sometimes he'll consume food he doesn't want to eat as a way to prevent any food wasting. I can understand his conflict, but I hate how rude he is. What makes him think that I want to hear him whine about not wanting to eat the food he's eating? Inevitably, he'll eat the remains because that's his decision. It's something he doesn't want to do, but he can keep it to himself. I don't see why he can't just exercise his decision silently. Trying to force someone else to eat it because he doesn't want to is inconsiderate. Hey, eat this food that I wouldn't touch. I know this is going to sound bias coming from me, but I'm not a bad cook. Although I don't even think a bad cook deserves this treatment. Showing respect to your friend and exercising some manners for yourself shouldn't be that difficult.

My friends show up late without a cake, looking to me for answers. They argue over who eats the last piece of chicken. That's a crappy so-called birthday celebration. They aren't even finished with their inconsideration, though. My friend suggests getting the cake at that moment. Valid questions from my only logical friend went ignored: Are we going to eat there or take it to-go? Are we taking one car or two? I preferred staying there and getting a large cake, as it creates more of a birthday atmosphere. I said this because they asked for my opinion and made this whole deal about what the birthday girl wants is important. But the second I said something they didn't like, they started complaining about not wanting to pay tip, preferring to choose their own cake flavors, etc. Why even ask for my opinion then? They already have their preferences. No birthday girl wants to be amped up only to be shot down. And birthday girl or not, is it so unreasonable to expect my friends to show more consideration and honesty? They don't have an opinion until they oppose mine? Please, that's bullshit.

After an hour, we step out of my apartment without any questions answered other than we'd be taking one car, as finding two parking spots available are unlikely. My friend stated that his car is a four seater, so it'll be uncomfortable. That's not his fault. Everyone acknowledged it. Then the two people I shared the back seat with wouldn't stop complaining about how cramped it was. They started whining about how two cars would make more sense. I thought we established that two cars don't make sense if there's no parking, but I suggested that they take a second car then. They, unsurprisingly, declined and chose to continue their rants. That was enjoyable.

We decided to sit down and order the cake at the restaurant. One friend suggested that everyone else should pick the flavor of the large cake, so I don't have to think. My friend who suggested this didn't want to actually be a part of that idea and the Domino effect spread. But when I tried to pick the cake, they covered the menu. This went on for over an hour. It took so damn long that my friend's food arrived and he finished it. I started requiring everyone to select at least 2 flavors that appealed to them. That didn't get very far, and eventually everyone designated me to pick. It would've been easier to ask me from the beginning. They didn't like vanilla bean cheesecake, though. How was I supposed to know? Even though I was misled about everything, I selected a cake I liked. But I wasn't able to enjoy it, as everyone kept bitching about it.

Then, at the last possible second, one of my friend's tells me that she has to borrow money because she doesn't have any. I don't mind lending money to someone who needs it. But how inconsiderate of her to pawn it on me at the last possible second. This was supposed to be for my birthday that everyone was supposed to pay for, so it's a little irresponsible to assume that I'll have money for others. When I was venting about this to one of my other friends, he thought it was so fucked up that she expected the birthday girl to pay. I wouldn't go that far because while it's a little unorthodox, it isn't like money will magically appear because I happened to be born on a day that she doesn't have money. I don't have a problem with her being broke. I have a problem with her designating me to be financially responsible for her without my prior consent. I agreed to it, and she couldn't shut up about how she didn't have money, as though I gave a shit. I was actually starting to laugh with someone else when she kept butting into the conversation to repeat herself, that she had no money, that no one told her that we were going out, etc. I get it. She's an irresponsible bitch. Can I finally have my fun now?

Personally, I don't consider irresponsible behavior to be excusable. She's a grown adult. She should have $20 on her. But if she wants to be careless when it comes to her own life, that's her prerogative. LIke I said, she's an adult. What I have a problem with his how she involved me without even considering me. She may not have known before she left her place that we were going to go out, but she knew we were going to a restaurant when we left my apartment. Why couldn't she ask me to loan her money then? I actually have cash at home.

The company, the cake, the logic, or more specifically, lack, and the overall experience wasn't worth it. Oh and one of my friends kept leaving the table whenever the Lakers were on. Not everyone minds the absence of their friends' while celebrating someone's birthday, but is it such a foreign concept that it's rude to walk out on a dinner table multiple times?

That was my so-called birthday celebration.