Just the Outer Shell

I talk to her. I see her. I hear her. She looks like her. But I don't see any signs of my friend. I'm not surprised, though. It looks like, from an outsider's point of view, she's losing all sense of herself. It's like she doesn't know who she is anymore. Sometimes I wonder if she ever did. She just keeps conforming into what others want to see in her. They don't see her for who she is or was, whatever that may be, that they don't appreciate her. So they continue to influence and change her. Although it's not fair to blame them entirely. If others are successful in manipulating her, she has to bear some responsibility for her susceptibility. That's the burden of being an adult. Mentally, though, she's a pouty child. I knew her before her teenage years when she still had an accent from her native language. It's a little late now to be behaving this way. Everyone's entitled to go through a bitch phase. It's the complaints, criticisms, and everything that comes with that that helps you define who you are. I guess it's better late than never, but she's not being productive. It's like she occupies her time complaining so that she doesn't have to face the world she's chosen to live in. This isn't who I became friends with. This isn't who I remember. People change. But are these natural changes that occur in everyone, or is she an entirely different person? I used to relate to her. I used to enjoy her company. We used to have the same perspective, communication skills, and mindset. Now, she's completely unidentifiable. Sometimes, I see people as reminders of what I don't want to become. I hate to admit it, but she's become one of those people. I lost a friend like that in middle school. She was athletic, intelligent, articulate, strong, and full of potential. Now, she's homeless, fucking guys who own convenience stores to stay alive so that she can sustain her crack habit. She's not this far gone, but I don't like seeing my friends as reminders of what I don't want to become because that's a sign of failure.