My Room Is a Sanctuary

I have four roommates. My bathroom doesn't have a fan, so it's a breeding ground for mold. I think I'm allergic to my place. It's a total mess. To keep it clean, I have to sweep, mop, and disinfect at least twice a day. I eat my laundry money washing an insane amount of rags only to be driven mad and fuel my OCD tendencies. My name also isn't on the lease, so I have no leg to stand on.

Up until my last apartment, where I lived was just a place to sleep. I never felt truly at home. I loved my old apartment. I felt comfortable and my belongings personalized and reflected my personality. It was strategically decorated and balanced in a unique way. I have a purple couch! My art contrasts one another in a very consistent sort of way. Each room is categorized and dedicated to serve a specific purpose to ground me and keep me focused. Since I have tendency to be in my head, I like categories to keep me organized. I felt at ease there.

I was surprised by how well I handled my new environment. I feel like all these changes occurred to help me adapt to where I am now. If all these things didn't happen, I wouldn't cope so well. Management skills, aside, I'm not a fan of where I live. And yet my friend made an astute observation that I open up more in my room, that I may not like that I consider my room my own, but it is what it is. I find a little peace knowing that. I'm glad it was shared with me because I'm not sure if I could've come to that conclusion on my own because I tend to focus on everything else.

I think it's important for everyone to feel like they have a place that's just for themselves, whether it's a place, in someone's heart, in life, etc. I'm a social, chatty person, but I've realized the value of feeling at home especially since my mind is so neurotic. It has a grounding effect for me. I feel differently now that I'm conscious of my reaction to being in my own room. It's true that I don't necessarily "like" the idea that my room is my sanctuary because of the bigoted idea of what I consider "sanctuary". But I'm over that. My room is my sanctuary.