My Old Life Returns

I feel like my old life has returned to pester me. I woke up with excruciating eye allergies. My eyes are crusted shut and raw red. I’m still reeling from my ocular migraine. The weather’s been bright and cheery, but I haven’t been since I’ve lost my pair of sunglasses. I guess ocular migraines are my punishment for my carelessness. Eventually I’ll have to buy a pair with money I don’t have. I also have a giant pimple by my nose that’s giving me a double vision headache attack. I can see it. It’s not only annoying, but it’s giving me a headache because it’s messing with my eyesight. I don’t try to look at it, but my vision is strained from doing just that. Wearing these crappy eyeglasses isn’t helping, either. By crappy, I mean that four times this year my lens fell out of my frame. I’ve had this pair of glasses for four years, so they’re meant to retire. But I’m financially devastated at the moment and clumsy to boot! No matter, though, my glasses can handle only so much fall outs before they completely become useless. I considered getting a pair of prescription eyeglasses that darken and become sunglasses in the sun, but they’re definitely out of my financial range. Using both sunglasses and eyeglasses are still a more affordable choice. Then again, what if I fall and injure myself without corrected vision? The cost of healthcare for someone without insurance would be outrageous. I could always get contact lenses if I’m splurging money I don’t have. Then, I wouldn’t see this obnoxious pimple, and, therefore, I wouldn’t get a headache from it. Of course, I can’t afford contacts and my allergies are killing me. So contacts would be out of the question, anyways, until I can treat my allergies, which also cost money. Fucking $200 to fill my eye allergy prescription! This doesn’t even cover the cost of antibiotic eye drops. Infections are such a bitch. I can either wait it out or spend more money. I’m truly unsure which one is the wiser of choice. Also, recently my legs have become dangerously dehydrated. Dehydrated skin is very different from dry skin. Dry skin lacks moisture; dehydrated skin has moisture, but the body, for whatever reason, isn’t using it. I’m scratching myself like crazy. Inflammations have developed, and I’m getting ingrown hair from it. Ingrown hair really hurts! Then I have what I suspect are actually rashes, which I’m guessing is from allergies. Ugh! My skin is so dehydrated that my moisturizer gets absorbed within 30 seconds and returns to its dehydrated white flaky state as though I did absolutely nothing. As painful as it is, I have to exfoliate my skin to remove the dead skin buildup. That means rubbing against inflammation and rashes. I had to buy a tub of $22 body cream, which works beautifully, but I’m still tapping out of cash. I also bought jojoba oil which retains the natural oils and moisture your skin already possesses. This is soothing except I have very little moisture in the first place. So, I showered and exfoliated my skin, tolerated the sting, knowing that it’s for the best. Then after I lightly wiped myself off, I applied jojoba oil all over in the bathroom that’s still humid and moist from the hot water that was running. This may sound like a good thing except that I don’t have a fucking fan, and it’s also a breeding ground from mold. The paint is starting to peel off, everything in the bathroom smells of mildew, and my friends continually become sick when they visit me. Once the jojoba oil was absorbed into my body, I ran away from my bathroom, which can quite possibly hospitalize me. I went to my room and applied my luscious body cream. I finally felt at ease or about as much as I can be, still frustrated that none of my weekend plans worked out as intended. I transferred money so that I can begin to make purchases such as eyeglasses, sunglasses, and the works. I have to call my physician and ask him to fill out a federal application that would allow me to receive free allergy medication. But what’s a girl to do in the meantime? I found some reasonably priced contact lenses online, but I’m hesitant to purchase them because mail seems to mysteriously go missing in my apartment. I can’t think of too many people I can ask to have it delivered to their place instead. All these friends, and I can’t go to any of them. It depresses and guilts me. I’m guilty because I don’t like the idea of seeing them as conveniences. To be fair, I don’t see them as a convenience. That’s not much better, though, is it? The one friend I’m thinking of may quite possibly be avoiding me, although I’m probably just being a paranoid bitch. The lines become blurred as my affection and interest for him grows and evolves beyond the realms of garden variety friends. I wish he would recognize that. Having a relationship without the label is difficult for me. This must be why I’ve never done it before. Why did I start now? Couldn’t I have fallen for someone who wasn’t so damaged? But would I really have it any other way? How did this become about him? I’m putting more focus on him than he deserves. I wonder how much focus and priority he gives me. With that note, I’m out!